Blood, Sweat And Tears

As many of you know I have been quite ill, hospitalization ill. And it really has been a week of blood, sweat and tears. They’ve taken so much of my blood in search for the illness, sweat from the fevers and chills and tears from the pain. Such incredible pain.

I’ve given birth naturally to 5 children and this pain still brings me to my knees. Something has gone wrong with my left kidney and the doctors aren’t quite sure what it is, or how to treat it. They know there are some stones, not sure of the size, because being thin is working against me, without the fat needed for the ultrasound to work, they can hardly make out my kidneys and other parts to see the issue.

I could enter myself into the hospital where they would put me under the knife and find out from the inside what is wrong, but I am terrified to death of what they might find, or not find, and my body does not heal well. The surgery itself could do more harm then good. So here I am with a month worth of drugs, knowing that they may or may not work, a month worth of painkillers, so I can carry on or somewhat carry on with my daily life and the knowledge and thought that I will get through this and my body will heal itself. I have to have faith, I have 5 children and a husband and many friends in my life that I refuse to leave behind.

So I put a smile on my face. And get up and take the pills and decide that nothing is wrong, the mind can heal the body, and I now just have to have faith that my mind can do it, and my body will follow through with it.

For those of you reading this, tell the ones you love that you love them, let go of the grudges and upsets, because in the end, do the little things really matter? Or would you rather leave this world, without regret?