Reality Vs Perception

It’s been a strange couple of days, as well as a humbling couple of days. Some days I wonder how I ended up here. Other days I shake my head and tears fall down my face as I know how I ended up here.

To look in the mirror and see a mother, a wife, a lover, a partner, a woman lost is a hard pill to swallow. To see that same woman who through everything still holds her head high is… strange. For it really has been a strange journey. Is this the end I forsaw? Hell no.

It has been a humbling few days indeed.

To look in your daughters eyes and see yourself some 20 years earlier is difficult. Not because of who she is, but because you swore you would do different. You swore you would be better for her. To see the same calm look on her face that I once presented my mother is terrifying. Truly honestly, terrifying.  To see the same survivor attitude in her is assuring but terrifying at the same time. The same strong soul resides in her as did me. The same don’t worry mom attitude in her breaks my heart. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I never wanted her to endure the trials and tribulations I did as a child. I never wanted her or any of the children to ever go without. And it breaks my heart.

I’ve cried a lot of tears of late. Because. Simply because. Reality is breaking my perception. Reality is forming before my eyes, and it is a reality I am not okay with.

Yes it has brought us closer together.

Something I have longed for since it was lost her seventh year on earth.

Something I wanted greatly but could never seem to achieve.

I see myself in this young woman before me, and as much of part of it makes me one hell of a proud mama, parts of it makes me want to scream. Make me want to cry, makes me want to die. I never wanted her to feel how I did. I never wanted to see her passion and love poured into providing for those around her. I never wanted to see that it’s okay mom look in her eyes, in her soul. Because that same look is still engrained on my soul. And the life lessons that went with it, just weren’t the ones a child my age should have endured. And aren’t ones I want her to endure.

I loved spending the time with her. The day with her. But not for the reasons we did. Not in the terms we did.

Reality has broken my perception. And now I face reality and am ready to break free of this one and create a new one. One I will be proud of. One I will leave as a legacy to my children.

My dear sweet Angel that broke me from a life that would’ve ended years too soon, may all your dreams come true, and mama promises from this point out, things are different.

Sunday Start… Let’s get moving!

So I set myself another short term goal today. To get through one audio of We Build Empires a day, at least. Time for me is quite limited, but I refuse to allow that to be an excuse, so instead I am buckling down and focusing on ensuring I get through the modules and content (I am soo not an audio girl)

I also started my book!!! Yep, I started it. I figure my first one is actually going to be an Anthology of works. I have a title already in mind (which I am not sharing as of yet) and I went digging through boxes today to find my poetry portfolio from middle school and high school. I figure some of the pieces in there will fit in nicely. I also went through some of my online sites and grabbed some of their content because some of them have the most profound words I have ever written (typed I suppose in this case). Either way I am taking action.

And although I start a j.o.b tomorrow, I know that it is just a temporary thing, to release me from the trap I have found myself in, and before long I will be building my empire and no longer needing to work for someone else. But for the time being, I will be working for minimum wage, and take it as a humbling experience, before I break out of this cage.

So there you go, my update for today.

Passion And Love

I recently started working with We Build Empires and one of the modules explains about how passion truley determines how successful someone will be at doing something. And it made me think. It really made me think.

See live has handed me some rough cards lately and it has been getting me down. But after listening to this audio I realized what I am doing wrong. I realize what exactly has been the biggest stumbling block in my life. I am not doing those things I love to do. I am not doing anything I have a passion for.

And you know what. That changes today. That changes this moment. I am returning to being passionate. I am returning to loving life and being passionate about it.

And my goal is this… In one month time, so September 13, 2010 I will have my first book, my first real book, ready to go.

And I will self publish it, and go from there. My true love and true passion has always been writing… and I haven’t been writing. I haven’t. The notebooks are no longer hidden in my purse like they used to be. From here on out, a notepad will always be in my purse to write down everything, anything. Just simply to write, and to create.

The passion is back. And I am going back to being in love. Being in love with life.

I’m Not Afraid!

Sometimes things are tough. Some days I just feel like giving up. But no matter my mindframe or how I am feeling, this song lifts me up, because… I’m Not Afraid! I know I can succeed at whatever I put my mind to. And whatever I have working against me, really isn’t that bad, when I put my mind to overcoming it.

Hope you enjoy this song as much as I do.

Just Another Manic Monday… What? It’s Friday? Oh…

Hey everyone, just me again. Well of course it’s me LOL, this is afterall my blog.

The title of this post pretty much sums it up right now. I’m having an insane period of mania and having a really tough time concentrating, but have some extreme levels of energy, so really I haven’t been online much, as I simply can’t just sit down and do something. I feel like I need to be forever moving, and just forever moving. I’m having a hard time focusing on business, when business is what I really need to be focusing on.

School starts back in a few weeks for the kids, and for the first time in a long time, all my little ones will be in school. This mama, will have no little ones running around during the day, so my hope and my plan is to get my business fast tracked at that point, as I will actually have uninterupted time to work. (Imagine that… weird)

But with 5 children going into school this September, the bills go up, BIG TIME. Think school clothes, school fees, backpacks, supplies, the whole nine yards. All in all, I figure I need an extra $1500 or so this month, UGGH. So with that in mind, sometime real quick once I can get my thoughts into words on the screen I will have a new product out. A product that will show you exactly how you can get started in marketing online, selling PLR. Now this isn’t the traditional methods you are probably thinking. Anyways, stay tuned as that will be coming out sometime soon to help offset the cost of school.

I hope everyone is enjoying the last month of summer and looking forward to a fabulous fall.

Sylvia